Strange ramblings and inquisitive whimsy

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I often wonder how I got here.  I try to put things together in a logical progression but it simply doesn’t work.  I mean, it makes perfect sense now that I am here, but my decisions, misfortunes, lucky stars and all the little coincidences that get me to where I am seem now to be so far past perfect that there’s no way they could have happened in real life.  It seems as though it’s impossible for me to fail, and yet I will, at some point, without a doubt.  I suppose I have, or rather, that I do fail every day, but it’s not the catastrophic failures that inspire epics and great symphonies but rather the menial and numerous failures that provide variation in one’s life.  Maybe it’s my successes that I need to focus on – try to learn from them as I have learned from my greatest failures.  It is a blessing beyond the shadow of a doubt that my successes far outweigh my failures at this point in my life.  Is it wrong to dig for my failures for the sake of furthering and deepening my level of perfection?  Can I really expect to learn everything I need to know from ignoring and discounting miniscule failures?  I certainly don’t think so…  I suppose the secret lies in not dwelling or wallowing in the failures but rather acknowledging them with a smile and a nod.  Perhaps that is where the truth will begin to grow.


The Difference

Right now it should be raining.  And I should be in the small, dimly lit coffee shop on the busiest corner of a bustling, east-coast town.  There’s a girl I should be sitting across from and there’s a feeling in my heart that should be present: calm.

But instead, I’m in a different coffee shop, in a different town, and the girl is nowhere to be seen.  She’s still in my heart.  My words to her sit on a page in an envelope to my right and these days, my mind rarely wanders for more than a few minutes before returning to her.  The greatest hardship of a distant love is not the lack of communication but rather the limitations of physical expression.  To just look in to her eyes and bask in her smile would be the greatest thing in the world.

But instead I’m 800 miles away with no hope of seeing her face for a painfully indistinguishable amount of time.

Once in a While…

Once in a while we find ourselves stuck in a moment.  A simple snapshot  taken by the mind’s eye that can transform an entire lifetime’s worth of worry and anxiety and allow logic to take a short hiatus while simple being assumes control.  In that moment, what you see with your eyes has such an effect that your external surroundings become the very essence of your internal self.  You are not merely experiencing the scene, you are living it.