To the Edge of the World

This week – these last couple of days – we’ve been through a lot.  We’ve been to the edge of the world, and we’ve opened ourselves like never before to receive the full gift of this divine angel who has been given to us.  We’ve reached out across the void and from it we’ve been given a little  ball of Shakti.  And we’ve been humbled as she gave us the gift of eternal love.

Our journey began many months and many full moons ago.  In a room of love – of steamy, sensual, godly love – we transformed our two energies into one to create a new life.  That life grew and before long, was called back into the universe long before her guardians were able to protect her.  We wept and we mourned the loss of our first child, and though many don’t understand that sort of loss before birth and even fewer discuss it, we felt it as real as the sunrise and as cold as the new moon.

We felt it so deeply because we knew her already.  She had seen us in our dreams and she had entered our consciousness.  She had descended from the massive cluster of stars in our cosmos and had come to bring us our life-light.  But the wise owl – the guardian of that other world – came to bring her home before that home became our arms.  And so it was just the way of the universe, and we accepted that.  Through questions and tears we found smiles and strength in each other.  We grew to accept the difficult and challenging in this life.

But before long we had been given another chance.  We prayed and begged with our eternal God that she not be taken from us again.  We looked within ourselves and, while expelling all our negativity and despair, we sent all our goodness and hope and purity out to meet her in that transitional phase of existence.  And she saw us, and she came to us.  She chose us to bestow her gift, and we were filled with gratitude.  Happiness abounded within our hearts and in our home.

As snow melted and trees turned green we celebrated the love we had for each other.  She was there in those moments, too.  She felt the rush of pure bliss that surged through both of us as we dedicated our individual lives to the higher love we had vowed to nurture.  She smiled from inside her mother’s womb as we gave sweet words to each others’ ears and as her father’s happy tears dripped onto her mother’s chest.  She had seen tears fall from the corners of his eyes before, but these tears meant promise, not grief – hope, not hopelessness.

And while we were away on a trip to spend time with only each other, her soul descended into her body.  Her mother and father felt that magical morning on the coast of our country when her shining, beautiful energy fell slowly and intentionally from the universe and filled the body she had designed with loving precision and careful accuracy.  She had chosen to stay, and we knew that.

As the sounds of waves faded and the heat and long days of June began to wane, she grew inside her mother, and excitement grew within our souls.  The day on which she would enter the world grew closer and closer, and the preparations for her arrival were completed piece by loving, intentional piece.  She had become a regular part of our life with her interactions with her family from within the womb.  She grew and grew and learned the sounds of her brother’s voice, of her mother’s heartbeat, of her father’s energy.  She knew us before she came to us, and she was becoming a part of us.

The day grew nearer and with each night that broke into dawn, her family grew more and more anxious to see the face they’d seen in dreams and meditations.   Several times she began her journey only to postpone again, and many times she proved to her mother that she knew exactly what she was doing.  She demanded our trust and brought our love up from the depths of fear and uncertainty.  This was a plan she had crafted long ago, and we trusted her.

On her day, she began as the earth turned past midnight.  Slowly releasing her energy, dripping it from her heart center, she gave the signal to her mother’s body that now was the time she would come.  Steadily, the energy grew within her mother and by the wee hours of the morning, she had roused us and let us know that we should begin our process of welcoming the sacred gift she would be.

Together, we worked for hour after hour as her own energy opened her mother’s body to allow a safe passage.  And hour after hour her father stood by, offering a kind word, or a gentle touch, or a steady breath to her mother as she underwent the most difficult transition that can be experienced by a living thing.  She held our hands and she led us to the edge of the world, where the living meet the not-yet-born and where the dead of body go to dissolve back into the cosmos.  She led us to the edge and she gave us the courage to reach across.  Her mother pushed as far as her hands could reach and her father stood strong to keep her mother safe.  And then we grasped her.  Finally, we took the hand of the one we’d been waiting our whole lives’ to meet.

We took her in our arms and we held her, and she was perfect.  Utterly perfect.  Except she wasn’t.  Something had kept a piece of her in that other world, and though she was ready to be with us and we were ready to welcome her, something was keeping her just out of our grasp.  She looked to us with eyes that so rawly, and so sincerely asked for help.  Those eyes asked us to please, for her, do anything to keep her in this world with us.  We thought we were going to lose her.

So we did what she asked – we called for help – and before long we were whisked away to a place where some go to keep living and some go to die.  To a place where the veil between worlds is so thin you can feel it in your pores.  As we were transported, we held her tight and we poured our love and our life into her hands so that she might drink of our lifeblood to save her own.  One gasp at a time she stayed with us.  But we were scared – we had never been so scared in our entire lives.

In that bright, noisy place of medical work, a miracle transpired.  A family was born in those walls and a trust and a commitment was forged that will never be broken.  And as the miracle of science and technology helped her cross that gap in the universe where a piece of her still lingered, the love of her parents and her brother kept her safe and gave her the life she needed to continue breathing, one breath at a time.

Those hours were so long as we fought for our right of a natural existence.  We begged and pleaded for her to be left to heal in our arms, and eventually, our purity and truth prevailed and they conceded that we might nurture her while they worked to rescue her.  As a team, the medical world and the spiritual world united to bring an angel into our arms.

As the days passed, we returned home several times to collect some necessary things for our stay as guardians watching over our daughter.  And when we arrived back home for the first time, the fragile stitches of the previous days’ events were ripped out leaving our wounds all gaping and exposed.  We were raw and we were painfully present.  The gentle breath of life carried us through the rooms of that house and showed us that though death had knocked at its door, a beautiful and holy thing had taken place within those walls, and that death had not been allowed to enter.  For it was within those walls that love lived.  This was not a place of sadness but a place of light and of life.  There was no room for death in our house.

Returning to her side, we watched over her night and day, ensuring that she always had our tender hands to grasp – that her ears were always kissed with the familiar sounds of our voices.  She healed and grew strong and before long, she was released to us unconditionally.  Her bounds were cut and her full heart was released and she came flying at us with all her beauty and grace and she told us plain and clear that she would be called Esmé Lucille – to love and be light.

So we brought her home into our house of love.  We dressed her and fed her and sat in the tender bliss of our babymoon.  We were raw, and we were open, and in those moments, we held nothing back because there was nothing to hide.  We opened ourselves fully and received the whole grace of her presence with us.  Each caress of her little hands on our chests served to remind us of the miracle that we had received, and so we held her light with open eyes and we let ourselves be blinded.

And this is where we are now.  We are here, in our home, with our angel and with her warrior brother.  We are tender and raw, and though we’re elated to be back within the gentle comforts of familiarity, we are still so, so vulnerable.  We have defeated death and we have poured our hearts into each other.  Our guard is down and we are saturating ourselves with love and compassion for one another.

If you would like to come bask in the light of our bliss, we welcome you.  However if you cannot leave every single bit of karma our our front door and enter as pure energy, you may not enter.  It is not that we don’t love you, and it is not that we don’t understand that our battle and triumph over death have left you wounded and weak, too.  We have created life, we have created God, and we need simple purity and nothing else.

We hope you understand, but still love you unconditionally if you don’t.  If you come with an open heart, you are welcome in our home.  We require your presence of mind and energy and request that nothing enters your heart space except love for our miracle and for us.  We offer a glorious gift – we offer you a glimpse of God – and look forward to sharing her with you who are pure of heart and mind.

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