Strange ramblings and inquisitive whimsy

Month: October, 2010

The Rain Song

The room was big.  And though it was not empty there was space to allow distance and separation.  Muted tones penetrated the cool, damp air and finessed the thoughts and contemplation that made them both feel the same hints of solitude.  New melodies floated in a raw state of limbo as words tried them out to see what gave way and what held strong.  The two of them stood apart – he was at the window staring blankly at the street below and she was at the desk standing with eyes closed trying to feel their next words.  It was gray.  Not a bright color could be found anywhere in their world and their silence reflected the light.  There were feelings in the air, too, even though they didn’t dare speak of them.  They both knew they were there; they had seen and felt them, but to talk about them would make them worldly and they both knew that the world was too ugly to have them floating around unguarded.  So they kept to themselves and stuck to the love-song that was unfolding before them.  In reality, they were writing about that very day; those exact instants, but they distanced the subjects so as to avoid looking love in the eyes. It was a song they wrote to each other and for each other and when they sang it, the truth of it was clear.  But even that didn’t crack the locks that were on their hearts – locks that were put in place by their mouths and minds.

It was pouring rain outside and cars drove past the building on the street below.  He couldn’t have been happier and she seemed more content and sweeter than usual.  It was such a strange and wonderful setting that they both would remember for years afterwards, each time revisiting every little aspect of the hours that gave them the song that should have changed their lives.

But it didn’t change their lives.  He kicked himself for missing it – for ignoring her eyes when he sang to her how he really felt.  And she resented herself for not realizing who she was really singing to.  It was a simple case of confusion – it could have happened to anyone.



I often wonder how I got here.  I try to put things together in a logical progression but it simply doesn’t work.  I mean, it makes perfect sense now that I am here, but my decisions, misfortunes, lucky stars and all the little coincidences that get me to where I am seem now to be so far past perfect that there’s no way they could have happened in real life.  It seems as though it’s impossible for me to fail, and yet I will, at some point, without a doubt.  I suppose I have, or rather, that I do fail every day, but it’s not the catastrophic failures that inspire epics and great symphonies but rather the menial and numerous failures that provide variation in one’s life.  Maybe it’s my successes that I need to focus on – try to learn from them as I have learned from my greatest failures.  It is a blessing beyond the shadow of a doubt that my successes far outweigh my failures at this point in my life.  Is it wrong to dig for my failures for the sake of furthering and deepening my level of perfection?  Can I really expect to learn everything I need to know from ignoring and discounting miniscule failures?  I certainly don’t think so…  I suppose the secret lies in not dwelling or wallowing in the failures but rather acknowledging them with a smile and a nod.  Perhaps that is where the truth will begin to grow.

The Difference

Right now it should be raining.  And I should be in the small, dimly lit coffee shop on the busiest corner of a bustling, east-coast town.  There’s a girl I should be sitting across from and there’s a feeling in my heart that should be present: calm.

But instead, I’m in a different coffee shop, in a different town, and the girl is nowhere to be seen.  She’s still in my heart.  My words to her sit on a page in an envelope to my right and these days, my mind rarely wanders for more than a few minutes before returning to her.  The greatest hardship of a distant love is not the lack of communication but rather the limitations of physical expression.  To just look in to her eyes and bask in her smile would be the greatest thing in the world.

But instead I’m 800 miles away with no hope of seeing her face for a painfully indistinguishable amount of time.